When God says: No.

There is a popular proverbial bit of encouragement that gets passed around the internet:

If the request is wrong, God says, “No.”
If the timing is wrong, God says, “Slow.”
If you are wrong,  God says, “Grow.”
But if the request is right, the timing is right, and you are right, God says, “Go!”

I know it has encouraged a lot of people in difficult situations, probably including some of you reading this, so don't take what I have to say as a demeaning of the intent of whoever wrote this.

However, I think any Christian senses or has experienced that reality often more complicated than this. What about when God says No and the request was for someone to survive a dangerous medical procedure? What about when the request is for someone to become a believer?* What about when the request is a child praying for his parents to stay together? Are those wrong requests? Is the timing wrong? Is the person wrong to ask for these things?

Atheists or others antagonistic towards the Christian faith will sometimes bring up questions like this, and we may find it difficult to give them a satisfactory answer.

(*- This very difficult question suggests to me that the ongoing discussion within the Church over God's sovereignty and man's ability to make choices, while obviously sometimes allowed to dominate time that should be spent focusing on those things that we do understand and should be putting into practice, is not merely "a peripheral topic that we should just ignore because it causes arguments and focus on other things," but in fact a dialogue over the very nature of God and His salvation plan. So since I think the answer to this particular tough question is tied into God's plan for salvation for humanity, I won't address it directly in this post today. But keep it in mind, because ultimately every Christian must have an answer to this question, be it as simple as "We don't know but God knows and I trust Him," which is as correct as any answer can be)

I recently encountered another "God saying No for reasons we don't understand" moment, and although mine doesn't come close to being as difficult as the examples I listed above, I think they all have something in common which is crucial for us to understand as followers of Christ.

I'd like to approach the issue from both the rational perspective and the emotional perspective (though of course it's impossible to entirely separate them), since I think often both of them are in play when we don't understand God's "refusals."

A. Rationally

 

1. God Knows More Than Us.
 
This past week, I encountered the first serious roadblock to my journey towards missionary work in Taiwan, being denied a religious visa by somewhat antagonistic and unprofessional visa office personnel at the particular consulate office I am required to use in my Taiwan visa applications due to my permanent address being in the Southeast. After attempting to claim first that I was unqualified due to not meeting the visa requirements to the letter (something they'd never been so strict about before, but fair enough), then that I didn't meet their nonstandard definitions of the requirements (getting into sketchy territory here), they resorted to making up unlisted requirements to have grounds to claim that I was unqualified. This is new territory for Taiwanese visa applications, and TEAM in Taiwan will be looking at whether or not its feasible for future missionary candidates to use the religious visa to do ministry in Taiwan, even though it seems this office has a reputation for being particularly difficult.

I had a lot of people praying for me. At least dozens, if not over a hundred. And the more people who said they'd pray for me, the more the visa office made it clear they were going to refuse me the visa. It's as if the more people prayed for them to be willing to grant me the visa, the more God in response hardened their hearts instead.

And I believe that He did just that. I have seen God change my plans too many times to believe He puts much value in my plans. And rightfully so. I am eternally grateful (literally) that God sees fit to ignore my plans and substitute His own. He is omniscient; I am, at best, somewhat more rational than the average person. (and there are days when I'm not so sure about that either)

So although on an emotional level it's disappointing that my Taiwan departure has been delayed by antagonistic paper pushers, after 5 years of working to get back there, on a rational level I know there's a reason for the delay that I might even be able to see myself, in retrospect.

It is not irrational for God to say No when I was praying for Yes. It is irrational for me to not trust that He knows better than me. If He didn't, He wouldn't be God. Our perspective is limited, even when we're not being especially self-centered or short-sighted. We cannot possibly know what is best for ourselves more than God can. It is only reasonable to trust Him with the decision-making.

2. In a Fallen World, 'Bad things' happen by Default

I won't spend too much time on this, but anyone who believes the story of the fall in Genesis must recognize that God created a beautiful world and pronounced it good, and then the first two humans He made decided they knew better than Him, and fundamentally wrecked it for the rest of us. That fallen world continues to fall, and the consequences of human sin are part of life in that world. People make foolish decisions, or evil decisions, and it causes pain and suffering to others. For God to let humans suffer in a broken world which He made and they broke is fair and just; for God to show mercy and sometimes specially intervene to reverse the consequences to our benefit is grace. Obviously we like the second one more, but grace and justice are equally attributes of a perfect God, reflected perfectly in all His actions. (Not in opposition to each other, as they are so often wrongly portrayed. God is both infinitely just and infinitely gracious. If it seems that these two attributes are on a collision course with each other, that's because they are; and where they collide is a Cross. And right in the middle of this collision we find Christ crucified, the perfect resolution of grace and justice which brings unity to these attributes which are supposedly in conflict. Perhaps this is why the Scripture speaks of Christ being the lamb slain before the foundation of the world. But let us return to the topic at hand.)

B. Emotionally

Fair enough, you might say, but what about on an emotional level? Doesn't God know we have feelings? Doesn't He love us more than to just rigidly enforce His will over us with no thought to how crushed or disappointed we might be? (Ok, you may or may not say it, but I think we all feel this way at times)
There are once again two sides to the answer:

1. God is Strong Enough to Always do what is Best for You.

An earthly father (or mother), eventually tires. If a child begs over and over, especially getting into the teenage years, sometimes parents give in. If the parents are not 100% sure granting the request would be harmful, and the child wants it badly enough, at some point they may relent, especially if the child ups the ante by putting the child-parent relationship at stake. "Say yes or I'll hate you forever," this kind of thing. Humans are weak, this kind of strategy works on us.

But God is not weak, God is infinitely strong. Emotional blackmail has no effect on the Creator who knows you better than you know yourself. Parents cannot foresee every outcome, and may eventually tire and relent, hoping that a good, or at least not harmful, possible outcome will occur. God foresees every outcome* and can thus answer prayers based on 100% knowledge. And no matter how many times you ask Him for something which would ultimately be harmful to you and others connected to the situation and the future ramifications of that situation, He will say No. He does not tire of doing what is best for you, whether you see it that way it or not.

So we may not be able to think of a single way God's saying No could be a good thing, but it's not up to us to think until we figure it out. The question is whether we trust that He knows what He's doing, or accuse Him of either ignorance or maliciousness.

(*- Many Christians believe it goes farther than that, and that God has in fact already ordained the outcome. I am very careful about how I articulate my position with regards to sovereignty and election, because I believe the questions are often phrased in a nonsensical way that forgets God does not look at things from a human, time-bound perspective, but that's the subject of a planned future post.)

2. The Greatest Thing God can give us is a Deeper, Fuller experience of Himself.

Get that into your head and heart, if you can. I am trying to drive it into mine.
For any human, this would be untrue (and a blasphemous claim), but for God it is necessarily true.

Denying someone a lesser good to give them a greater good is right, and in fact knowingly refusing them the better good to give them a lesser good would generally be considered unloving if not outright wrong.
For example, if given a choice between the two statements "I love your new car!" and "Your house is on fire!" it's not hard to guess which one you'd pick. However, if I drive past you going the opposite direction in busy traffic and have only time to shout one brief sentence out the window as I pass, would it be evidence that I care about you more or less, if I chose to deprive you of hearing "I love your new car" in order to inform you that "your house is on fire"? It is my concern for your well-being that would prompt my saying no to your hearing the car compliment in order to say yes to your hearing the less pleasant message, and I can't imagine many people who would resent my decision. Yet so often when God gives us the unpleasant but more loving answer, we act as if we momentarily doubt He really wants the best for us.

Earthly blessings, happiness, comfort, self-actualization, meaningful experiences and memories, all these are what we naturally want and chase after. But our walk with God after regeneration is partly a process of learning that all these things we have lived for are merely derivative in comparison with the experience of God Himself, from whom all these blessings flow and who is greater than all of them put together, and in whom is the ultimate fulfillment of those desires anyway.

Some people get angry or uncomfortable this way of saying it, but it's an unavoidable fact that if God says No because He wants to reveal more of Himself to you through whatever difficult consequences result from His refusal to grant your request, it is right and loving of Him to do so, even from our human perspective.

If God said No to every attempt I made to get to Taiwan to do ministry, yet every time I drew closer to Him and understood Him better due to it, my only correct response could be to praise Him for His love and for giving me the greatest gift He could give. (I can't promise I would respond in such a glorifying way, but it would be the right response)

Thankfully if we have the Spirit, it will often be the case that God reveals Himself to us through the times He says Yes, because we will be asking for things that are in keeping with His will. But sometimes our wrong requests are simply based on ignorance. They are not bad or sinful requests, it's just that we can't see clearly enough or far enough to understand why God can't say Yes. This is when it comes back to the answer you already know: We just have to trust the Infinitely Trustworthy One.

I trust God will lead me to Taiwan as He has led me all the way up to this point, sometimes with amazing works on His part to open doors and make things happen. I also trust that, due to His leading and calling along the way, His plan for me to draw closer to Him involves me proclaiming His name in Taiwan, that He may be more greatly glorified in that dark place.

But whether He miraculously has me in Taiwan 3 weeks from today, or whether I somehow never go there again, He will in every action and outcome offer me the opportunity to draw closer to Himself, which is the greatest gift and blessing with which He could answer any prayer of mine. That sounds like a good "spiritual" answer to the question of God saying No because it is; we live in a spiritual world, and on this point they got it right in Sunday School: "Jesus" really is always the right answer.

Things you didn't know were happening in Alabama...

On Saturday the 27th I got to attend a welcome party for incoming Chinese students, hosted by all three Chinese churches in Madison County. (Huntsville Chinese Christian Church, Chinese Christian Church of Madison, and Chinese Bible Church in Huntsville)
All of the students I talked to were from mainland China, and most were going to UAH, although I met a high school student whose parents had moved to Huntsville from China as well. My guess would be that the Chinese population of the Greater Huntsville Area will continue to increase rapidly in the near future, providing more opportunities to reach Chinese students who might never have a chance for this kind of gospel exposure in China.

Not only do we go out to the mission field, but sometimes the mission field comes to us.

We started off with introductions of the three Chinese churches in the area

This lady sang very beautifully in Mandarin

I would estimate about 120 people in total were attending, including a few dozen Chinese students.

A team from an Atlanta Chinese church came to lead some worship songs.
The gospel was presented as well; hopefully some students were impacted by
their first chance to participate in Christian fellowship with Chinese believers.

Of course you can't have a Chinese gathering without Chinese food!
(This pic is borrowed from HCCC's photo album of the event)

Hey, who's this white guy handing out prayer cards?
(This pic is borrowed from HCCC's photo album of the event)

I didn't get to stay for the whole event, but was there until right before the topical speakers were supposed to start, speaking on things like practical advice for settling in, for the students, and a scriptural message for the attending church members.

It was a blessing to see the local Chinese churches coming together for this event. Just two years ago I had no idea any of these churches were here, even after going to school and working in Huntsville for several years. Now one of them is a support partner, and I preached at another earlier this month. Just more evidence that God's plans and work are bigger and more widespread than we ever know. I'm incredibly blessed to have had this unexpected chance to get involved in a Chinese Christian community right here in North Alabama.

Bonus Picture Post! #1 - Orchid Island

Dear readers, I have discovered that facebook uses strange methods for determining what thumbnail picture options it offers when I post links to articles here. Apparently it only likes the smaller ones. (If anyone has more technical info, feel free to leave me a comment)

What that means for you is, I include lots of pictures in this post, to test which ones FB lets me use, and some readers might notice me changing the sizes on them.

For starters, here are some from one of the most interesting side-trips I got to do during my year in Taiwan (that wasn't an unplanned visa run!). In August, some of my Taiwanese fellow gospel camp volunteers and I took a ferry over to Orchid Island (Lan Yu) off the coast of Taiwan for a couple days of camp staff retreat after the summer camping season was over. We also had a mini-camp for the kids on the island, I might post some pics of that later if people are interested. (Basically that means respond if you want to see pictures of cute kids, Taiwanese camp volunteers, and one white guy)

Leaving the harbor

Arriving at Orchid Island, with oddly-shaped mountains shrouded in mist...

The view from our "hotel." I believe the large building is a government-built school.
Years ago Orchid Island was selected as a location for a nuclear waste dumping site,
but the local people were told it was going to be a fish cannery and tricked into agreeing...
so they got lots of government-paid-for infrastructure by way of a belated sort-of apology.
(I don't know if this story is entirely accurate, but it's what I was told)

A concrete model of the local people's traditional seagoing canoes.
The native people of Orchid Island are not Chinese, but Pacific Islander.
Many anthropologists believe that Oceania was populated largely by ocean-going
peoples who island-hopped from Taiwan thousands of years ago.

A quiet moment by the sea, at sunset.

We quickly found the real rulers of the island were wise-looking goats.

We woke up very early one morning before dawn, to get to the top of a mountain and watch the sunrise.

The pre-dawn scooter ride was exciting

We assemble at the mountaintop observatory area

Dawn approaches over the Pacific, beyond the lights of a fishing village.

Roughly the same picture, a little later

The locals said the farthest rock peaks rising from the ocean used to be one long ridge,
but during WWII in the early morning dark the Americans thought it was a Japanese destroyer and bombed it.

Fun with perspective

I got some National Geographic quality shots on this trip, it's really a beautiful island.

Alright, I have four albums from this trip on facebook for the especially curious. (and for people who prefer to look at pictures with people in them) But I think this is a good enough set of pictures for one post.
We'll close with a picture of my most interesting meal of that trip:

Flying fish noodle soup!

Stay tuned for more random picture posts in the future... I have thousands of Taiwan photos and I'll post a few up now and then. If you are interested to see pics of any particular kind of stuff (People, Cities, Food, Nature, etc) feel free to leave a comment and let me know.

A Musical Interlude - Taipei 101 Flash Mob Chorus

We take a break from normal posting to bring you a little taste of Taiwan, 2013. This is a musical flash mob event which took place in the awesome foodcourt of the basement of the 101 building (until a few years ago, the tallest building in the world). I can and will say a lot about Taiwan on this blog, but sometimes I think music can express things more deeply and clearly than words can, even in a language you don't know.

Since this blog is in English most of my readers won't be able to understand the lyrics to the songs, but I encourage you to take a listen anyway, the beautiful of the songs and the passion with which they are sung don't need translation. (and there are English subtitles which communicate the basic meaning of the lyrics, though their beauty doesn't really come across in the word-for-word translation)

There are 4 songs in total: the first is Green Island Serenade (Referencing the island of Taiwan. There might be some political implications with the choice of this song as well, but I will mostly steer clear of Taiwanese politics on this blog!), the middle part is a medley of two nostalgic/romantic songs, Mo Li Hua (Jasmine Flower, a very famous song, its story and a better translation of the lyrics than in the video is available here on its wikipedia page) and Bāng Chhun-hong (Spring Breeze, which is not sung in Mandarin but in Taiwanese, the local language which I hope to study after Mandarin), and lastly a very lively ending with Gao Shan Qing (The Mountain is Green, only a Chinese wikipedia entry for this one), a song about Alishan mountain and the native peoples of Taiwan who live there. Part of the song (you'll know!) is in Ami/Amis, the language of Taiwan's largest remaining indigenous tribal group.

To me, holding a flashmob in the basement of a ultramodern skyscraper featuring beloved traditional songs in these languages is "very Taiwan." If you've never been there, I hope you can get a feel for the place through this brief performance:

Crucify Ambition

Though it doesn't always reveal itself due to my personality, I have always been an ambitious person. I set high goals for myself, and by default seek to constantly gain influence and respect and admiration in circumstances and social settings I deem appropriate. But the call to missions, and what is more, the call to follow Christ, requires that I surrender these ambitions. It is a kind of death. But no part of me is dying that can stand in the presence of God.

Nevertheless, a peculiar temptation began rearing its head a few years ago, one that I had not previously experienced.

It primarily revealed itself after certain invitations... to Singapore, to Hong Kong, to Los Angeles, to the World Cup next year in Brazil. Conversations with more than one person about touring Europe. I began to realize I had reached a certain traveling status and acquired a few of the sort of friends to whom these things are fairly normal. For a cash-strapped seminary student and then support-raising missionary, however, obviously none of these things were financially possible, and that fact began to weigh on me heavily. It has been observed that missionaries are a strange subculture in that they tend to be well-educated, well-traveled, yet poor. (Typically the latter precludes either one or both of the former.)

The temptation was never to abandon missions for a more lucrative career; I love Taiwan and am excited about my calling and future ministry there, and having started down the path of career missions I have never considered forsaking the call. But a strong sense of discouragement and discontentment began to steal my joy. Surely it was unfair somehow, that I had joined the crowd of those aware of the more interesting places in the world, the globally well-connected sort, and yet had to continually decline to join them on their trips, which for me would have been once-in-a-lifetime opportunities?

These invitations also tapped into a deep desire I have to move continually into more influential or relevant parts of the world. It's a little hard to explain, but basically I have realized that I have a default tendency to seek out, like a moth to a candle, those places from which culture and influence are generated. It's wanting to be in the middle of where "things are happening," in the global sense, and these opportunities I was starting to encounter were a ticket right into that world.

Additionally, in a way that C.S.Lewis has captured very accurately in the Screwtape Letters and his descriptions of the temptation of the "inner ring," these invitations fed my pride by demonstrating that I had "made it" into a higher social level. They didn't have to invite me. Clearly they wanted me along, which meant I was considered good company by the sort who could choose their own company easily enough. And for an introverted homeschooler from Tennessee/Alabama, being invited on fun trans-oceanic trips by traveled and moneyed people your own age does wonders for one's self-image and self-confidence.

Of course... the problem is that this is also the self that must be put to death.
As the great German martyr Dietrich Bonhoeffer said:

"When Christ calls a man, He bids him come and die. It may be a death like that of the first disciples who had to leave home and work to follow Him, or it may be a death like Luther’s, who had to leave the monastery and go out into the world. But it is the same death every time—death in Jesus Christ, the death of the old man at his call.” (The Cost of Discipleship)

There is simply no room in that call for self-centered ambition. My desire to travel around the world having entertaining experiences with friends is not wrong in and of itself, but it must be taken captive and laid at the foot of the cross. When it can steal my joy, it has not been made subject to Christ. When I occasionally feel a longing for that kind of life, it is a sign I am not finding my satisfaction in the One from whom all blessings come. God has indeed granted me the opportunity to visit many places thus far, and it seems likely I will visit many more. But on His terms, and in His time, and for His glory.

I'm thankful to be able to say that God one day graciously granted me the key to defeating this sort of temptation. One day, as I was struggling with negative thoughts about this whole situation and especially how my lack of resources was preventing me from accepting a traveling invitation from an attractive single friend, God quite suddenly reminded me that I wouldn't be as traveled, wouldn't have made the friends I've made, and would not only not have access to these kinds of opportunities but wouldn't even be aware of them, had it not been for His leading me to Taiwan over these past 8 years and the changes that has made in my life. That pretty much axed the whole temptation. It's very difficult to be depressed over perceived missed opportunities which are only possible because of God's blessings, once one is aware of that fact.

Your idea of self-fulfillment might not be traveling to influential places, and the "inner circle" you want to be a part of may not be the same as mine. But we all struggle with ambition and the desire to live the life we perceive as fulfilling and enjoyable, to live for ourselves instead of becoming the living sacrifices Paul talks about in Romans 12. Maybe the key I mentioned above will be helpful for you; don't forget that if you find yourself reaching for selfish goals, you can only see them because of the blessings you stand upon.

Self-actualization is at the top of Maslow's hierachy, but it must be laid at the foot of the cross. Our most basic identity is not forged by ourselves through life's experiences, but defined by our Creator. The more we recognize this, the less of an identity crisis we will experience as the call of Christ leads farther and farther from the worldly path so many others have chosen to follow.

There is a song by Jeff Johnson, "Ruin Me," which puts the decision we are faced with rather straightforwardly. If you're not already familiar with it, take a listen...

First, You've Got to Get There

It is widely acknowledged that the missionary lifestyle is not an easy one. Historically this was reinforced by things like missionaries packing their belongings in coffins when traveling to their ministry fields, knowing there was a good chance they'd be returning in them. Today the task is less dangerous in that sense (in most parts of the world), though it is arguably somewhat more complicated.

Cardboard boxes don't have quite the symbolic effect...

What is less commonly known is that one of the most difficult parts of many missionaries' work is getting onto the field in the first place. Ironically, one part that many people seem to consider the most difficult -actually deciding to go- was for me the easiest. God made it clear He wanted me to go; I could but say yes or no. (And saying "no" to God is not recommended.) Having said yes, I began to discover the truth that the difficulties didn't start once I was "over there," but began to immediately present themselves.

For many difficult tasks, it is possible to simply power through them. If asked to roll a heavy log up a hill, most people could do it if they had to. Simply dig down and refuse to quit, push as hard as you can, and get it up to the top by any way possible. Or for less difficult but longer and more boring tasks, like a pile of paperwork, one simply plods forward until eventually the whole thing is done. Unpleasant, but eventually overcome.

For getting onto the field, I found the complexity of the task to be that it's neither a matter of simply plowing ahead through any difficulty that arises, or waiting it out, but of accomplishing a number of things simultaneously, with a sort of default timer ticking beyond which people will begin to lose faith in either your calling or abilities. Going back to the log example, imagine being told to roll the log up the hill, within a certain time frame, and also to not crush any of the numerous wildflowers growing on the hill. Suddenly pushing with all your might is not an option. You are not allowed to "try as hard as you can," in the straightforward sense, and "try harder" is not an effective strategy. Nor can you do this task in small chunks with nice breaks in between; if pushed up only partway, the log will roll back down. (Thank God, sometimes He chocks the log for you, and moments of rest are supplied when He knows they are necessary.)

I did not write this to complain! God has called all of us to participate in spreading His kingdom to every part of the world, and He has given me a love for the field to which He is calling me. The labor in this sense is joyful. But I am trying to define the difficulty of a task which can't simply be pushed through, as it depends on the cooperation of volunteers on both an individual and a church level, nor always done in a logical step-by-step fashion, as the "next step" is often a preparation for something coming much later or a setback which forces one to rely on God and wait for Him to reveal a new and unexpected opportunity in another direction.

If only it were this straightforward!

In other words, the dance to the missions field is not so much "three steps forward, two steps back," as "three steps forward, five steps diagonally back to the left, a big jump forward landing on one foot, hopping there while waiting for a place to put the other one, sliding sideways, another step forward, two steps back, cha cha cha," etc. It's learning to trust God to provide the way forward through unfamiliar territory at the very time when other people begin to expect familiar-looking progress in exchange for their trust.

And it's a difficult thing for missionaries to be learning how to move along God's perfect but unpredictable path while many spectators expect them to be moving in the most productive, sensible, and competent direction (as an engineer by trade, this indeed makes the most sense by default, so I do fully understand this way of thinking). Put another way, it's like crossing a major street. People expect you to use the crosswalk in an inspirational sort of way, while it feels much more like God is calling you to play Simon Says in the heavy traffic.

If I can be very straightforward for a moment, it can be rather frustrating to be criticized from time to time by people who would themselves never dream of surrendering all hopes of a career and stable future in the normal sense, because of Very Important Reasons which any reasonable person would see prevent it from being an option for them. (Nevermind those reasons might have just as equally applied to you as well.) They expect you to overcome your unfamiliar difficulties as they overcome their familiar ones, and can adopt the attitude of making sure you "measure up," that support money is not being wasted on you. Unfortunately, this kind of judgmental scrutiny, while not helpful, is also not entirely unfounded. It must be recognized that there are career missionaries who are simply not up to the task, or who have gone onto the field for reasons entirely other than a calling or obedience to the Great Commission, or who spend their support money wastefully and accomplish little in their fields or even do great damage through willful sin. This is sadly the reality, and I believe accountability for missionaries is entirely appropriate. Exactly what form this could take in the sense of measurable goals is a great question which merits further discussion, but the willingness of someone to sacrifice what life they had to pursue God's call should perhaps merit good faith at the outset until proven otherwise, and indeed in most cases and churches it seems to do so.

But of course while having spiritual gifts which are appropriate to the task, cross-cultural missionaries have no special dispensation of knowledge or abilities from God beyond any other believer. God always supplies what is necessary to accomplish what He has called us to do, and so we are just servants of the Kingdom who have been called to exchange familiar neighborhoods for unfamiliar ones. And while the calling is sure (The Great Commission was not a suggestion), we're not always sure the best way to go about doing it. But the passion God has placed in me for His glory among the Taiwanese people compels me forward. That burning fire, lit by the Spirit, continues through the waves of spiritual opposition and temptation, the dark mists of disappointment or confusion about what to do next, or the storms of hardship and setbacks.

"Taiwan is still the only major Han Chinese population in the world
where a significant spiritual breakthrough has not occurred." Operation World

I have been very blessed to have many people trust me, even some people who are not naturally the trusting sort. I feel the weight of this trust very acutely, and pray that I will never betray it, the more so as I have personally been a witness to the grievous results of such downfalls. Yet I know that the ability to merit that trust is not in myself, but in the God who sustains me. He has promised to continue to do so; my task is to walk in obedience and communion with Him, down this strange road which has led through Huntsville, and Texas, and across the Pacific. May He grant the strength to do so, and if you have read this far, I would appreciate your prayers as well.

(And feel free to comment with any of your own prayer requests. I'm always happy to lift them up. It is becoming increasingly obvious to me that sometimes our insurmountable obstacles are not due to a lack of strategy, but a lack of time spent demonstrating our dependence on God through prayer.)