An INTP on the Mission Field: The Thin-skinned Shall Not Inherit the Mission Field...

As I approach a year on the mission field (two years of experience, counting the previous year that was a short-term trip, and quite different from this year), I increasingly encounter the need for thicker skin.

To elaborate upon the old schoolyard retort: sticks and stones can break my bones, but insulting words which I consider to bear no legitimate correspondence to reality are, despite being unable to cause me physical harm*, yet at times frustratingly able to send me into unproductive introspection.

(*- No, despite living in Taiwan I have yet to encounter the legendary Lion's Roar kung fu ability. Actually my experience thus far is that Americans are both more excited about and more likely to be training in Asian martial arts than Asian people are. A friend explained the reason, but it will have to wait for a relevant post.)

INTPs can be a bit thin-skinned. This comes partly from our tendency towards polite and reasonable social behavior. We would not randomly insult someone out of anger, and if we do, it tends to be sarcastic, methodical, and cutting, a katana strike at some real flaw which really does hurt the person. To simply toss unspecific insults at someone because we're angry with them would be worse than wrong, it would be inelegant. Unfortunately, other people may perceive our analytical comments as insults, something to which we are often oblivious; sometimes, ironically, because those people aren't thin-skinned and simply take it in stride. (If they know us well, they may be used to it and realize we don't mean it that way)

Thank God for the Mrs. Hudsons of the world...

Still, that preference for politeness and reasonableness (as we perceive them) leads us to typically avoid insults and provoking language in general, as they lead to angry emotional reactions, confrontational behavior, and escalations of stressful social situations, all of which INTPs prefer to avoid if possible. So -irrationally, I must admit- we often expect other people to play by the same rules. But many people don't. They've had hard lives, they're stressed today, they simply don't think much before they speak, they don't view you as a peer and thus don't feel it necessary to extend courtesy towards you... there are lots of reasons why someone doesn't think twice about shooting an insult. They have a headache and aren't even the slightest bit interested in how that relates to something you read about plate tectonics the other day, and can't you get out of their way already?

Perhaps you are an INTP reading this, and you can simply shrug or chuckle and let the insult slide like water off a duck's back. This could theoretically be based in pride ("Did a worm speak just now? Amusing..."), but if your reaction is of that kind, stop reading this and repent before God graciously cuts you off at the knees and lets you hobble around on the stumps for a while to learn humility. If not, then it's a valuable quality. I suspect, however, that many are like me. I catch the insult in a little bubble, a protective mechanism to limit its hurtful potential, and began peering inside and analyzing it, beginning to dissect the contents, introspectively. Is this true of me? Is this a fault which others perceive which I've been blind to? Is this an area in which I have a natural weakness, or is it due to laziness or other misconduct? Do I have responsibility for making sure this is an insult which will be inapplicable the next time someone offers it? Et cetera, ad nauseum. I've lost many hours of my life to these kind of depressing ruminations. (Some introspection is good, but for INTPs it's like our Fortress of Solitude where we can hide for ages)

Mission Field Insults

Despite inheriting the Chinese cultural indirectness, Taiwanese can be quite forthright with insults. This is especially true of physical appearance, which is not taboo like it is in America, where one has to be very careful even with positive comments on someone's appearance. In Taiwan, "wow, you got fat," is a totally normal comment, one I've heard several times upon returning from living in America (truly is the Standard American Diet called "SAD"), and heard directed at other people as well. I personally am not especially bothered by this kind of insult, since being an INTP, I have a tendency to view my body as simply a physical shell. I do prefer to be in shape, and so if I let my body get so out of shape that people begin to remark on it, then I deserve whatever comments I receive, and typically they will motivate me to do something about it. But for INTPs ultimately it is the mind that matters.

That means insulting my lack of knowledge in an area in which I considered myself fairly well-versed will get you a lot farther than a physical insult. At the same time, prizing rationality as I do, I may give you a 'touche,' and resolve to further my knowledge in that area. "Correct a wise man and he will love you" (Prov 9:8b) applies to INTPs, even those of us who would claim to be far from wise, depending on how the correction is administered. I may even upgrade my opinion of you, since someone who can be my teacher even in a small way is someone who can help me in my relentless task to forge order from the chaos of existence and a comprehensive theory which encompasses all of my experiences, as I have explained in a previous post.

Questioning my judgement or thought processes will get you a reaction, however, as you're trying to undermine my most important tool for making my way in the world. It would be like telling a fashion designer not that a particular outfit of theirs was a failure, but that they were going colorblind. And questioning my motives might get you a fairly hostile reaction, though that's probably of most people regardless of personality.

My basic premise is this:

On the mission field, the thin-skinned may not last long.
You are in a culture that doesn't understand yours, among coworkers you didn't choose and who inevitably will sometimes rub you the wrong way, and often looking like an idiot to the locals as you try to make sense of a new language and lifestyle. People will insult you, it will happen. It may happen quite frequently.

Some favorite insults I've received in Taiwan:
(in Mandarin from local people)

"Wow, you got fat." (Me: "Haha, yeah") "No, I mean, really. You really got fat."
"I had thought your Chinese was impressive, but it's actually not that good"
"You foreigner teaching these children is an educational failure"
"Young man, I can tell from your face that you're ignorant"

Those are just a few of many more. The first one didn't bother me overmuch (I always gain weight in America and lose it in Taiwan), but the others rankled quite a bit; I don't try to remember insults or cultivate resentment (I attempt to actively avoid doing so) but I still very clearly remember the situation in which each of those were given (The third one was from an angry hobo! I kid you not).

The insults are not only cross-cultural, however. I've heard stories of some cringeworthy public encounters, with missionaries saying things to other missionaries that are just short of nose-punching territory. The mission field is a stressful place, and tempers flare. Teamwork takes constant active effort to maintain, and if not, can fall apart quickly with disastrous effects for the ministries and gospel effort in that location. Even if in our generation such dramatic personality clashes are less common, one is no less likely to encounter passive-aggressive sniping, which is in many ways worse. (Speaking generally, and not of my specific team. I feel blessed in my fellow missionaries)

So it's basically inevitable that if you let those insults simmer, and develop into resentment, cracks will develop rapidly in the "one heart and mind" that we should have as fellow missionaries. If things really get bad, people will leave the field. And if they're from local people, then you will find your motivation and willingness to embrace and learn local culture begins to drop and turn into a desire to separate yourself from it, retreat from it, to return home, or into a bubble of fellow expats who understand you, or at least insult you for reasons you both understand.


For INTPs, the solution is not to endlessly mull over these insults, trying to explain them away; that's an effort inevitably doomed to failure. If you do succeed in explaining it away, then you begin to resent the person who offered the insult, and might still harbor doubts about whether it might not be true after all; INTPs are masters of self-doubt and insecurity. And if you don't succeed in explaining it away, you are left with the conclusion that you really are deficient in that area. You've taken a further step towards judging yourself based on other people's opinions, and not God's opinion of you.

There is not even much profit in defending one's self at the time. That is my natural reaction, wanting the record to be straight one way or another. In cross-cultural situations, it often feels (rightly or wrongly) that the insult is stemming from a cultural clash, and explaining your reasoning or how things were different in your home culture will clarify the misunderstanding, leading to the retraction of the insult. This has basically never worked, even with otherwise fairly nice people. You are merely looking like someone who can't handle insults, which in many cultural and subcultural contexts matters much more than whether or not the particular insult is true.

This, of course, is common knowledge for many people. I am not pretending that everyone suffers from the same thin skin problem. But I suspect many INTPs are going through a similar internal process, even if they're good at hiding it on the outside.

The solution, I submit, is simply to grow thicker skin. If a fishing hook gets caught in your finger, trying to jerk it out will often cause a lot more bleeding than pushing it through and out the other side and cutting the barbed end off. The "tougher" solution is actually quicker, less painful, and heals more quickly. An insult can be dealt with similarly. Just accept it and move on. A tactic I've observed in Taiwan is to simply agree and thank the person, and I'm working on adopting it.

Also, INTPs are especially good at the clever sort of humor or wordplay which can defuse an insult or even turn it around. Instead of an angry retort, self-deprecating humor or some other response might carry the day. But that's all based on being able to "take" the insult. Just take it. A winsome response can then be used if appropriate, but not out of defensiveness.

Turning the Other Cheek

I mentioned martial arts at the beginning, and it provides a helpful analogy here. A lot of martial arts styles observe that while one can meet force with force, that can be problematic and cause injury. Of course, Muay Thai goes the other way; after beating down a few banana trees kick by kick, meeting force with force causes injury to the other guy. But as followers of Christ we are more or less specifically commanded not to use the Muay Thai style of insult resolution. (That "turn the other cheek" verse that people argue about is talking about taking an insult, not an actual dangerous blow.)

This is not what Jesus meant

Many styles, wanting to avoid things like dying young from brain trauma, have techniques which redirect the force of a blow or intended blow, moving with it and using the fighter's own momentum against him. In the end, one has exerted much less energy, to much greater effect. Sometimes the fight can be entirely ended in this way, and at least one fighter is keeping a clear head, something that appeals strongly to an INTP; coolly parrying a blow with efficiency and technique. It's how we like to see ourselves, at least. Yet the natural INTP way of dealing with insults, by contrast, might be more akin to an untrained man, who upon being struck is either mainly concerned with trying to establish that he is in the right and the other party is in the wrong, or if sufficiently hurt, lashes out instinctively to hurt back.

But the well-trained martial artist not only knows how to defend himself well, he realizes that he may not need to strike back at all. The knowledge that he can defend himself easily allows him to take blows if he wishes, not having an inferiority complex to defend. He is not concerned with others' accusations, because he knows himself.

If we are secure in our identity in Christ, knowing who we are, and have trained ourselves in the art of graciously dealing with insults and harsh comments or criticism, we need not be taken aback by them, nor need they develop into divisive resentment. We can turn the other cheek; we can take it.

As in all things, Christ is our model. When attacked by the Pharisees, Jesus never sunk to their level, He never "hit back." Sometimes He replied with piercing insight, sometimes with winsome wordplay, and during His mock trial and humiliation He simply did not open His mouth.

So in the end, if all else fails, and the insult hits home, and we can't respond appropriately, we only have one response: to forgive as we have been forgiven. Not forgiving doesn't exact any kind of revenge on the other person, it only hurts us, and we have that command, that as Christ forgave us of a multitude of sins, so we must forgive one another.

May we be strong to do so, by the grace that is in Him.

An INTP on the Mission Field: Another look at "Teamwork"

I remember engineering school quite distinctly (despite seeming in some ways like a previous life, I suppose it wasn't actually that many years ago). They were fond of giving us "group projects," ostensibly to teach us ornery engineers (real engineers are born, not graduated) how to play well with others. The most important lesson we learned through these was perhaps unintentional on the part of the school:

Observable Principle 1. Teamwork is the enemy of productivity
Observable Principle 2. Teamwork is the enemy of efficiency
Observable Principle 3. Teamwork is the enemy of adaptability
Observable Principle 4. Coordinating schedules with others is like herding cats
Conclusion for the maintenance of sanity: Avoid group projects whenever possible

My experience of team work until graduating college was pretty much this.

Thankfully, workplace experience demonstrated to me that this may not always be the case; it largely depends on the people on your team. It can be both worse (a team in which certain members are literally destroying the project through a combination of incompetency and obliviousness and harming your career prospects), or, in the rare case you get a bunch of qualified and competent people on your team, it can be a pretty amazing thing that results in stuff like, you know, getting a satellite to rendezvous with a comet after 10 years and dropping a lander on it. Of course in that kind of situation, teamwork gets a boost from the endeavor that unites them. More on that anon.

A Task Too Immense for Solo Work

Not being a people person, I definitely spent some time in prayer before deciding to become a missionary. "God, if I'm going to do this, if my job is going to be 100% people focused, you're going to have to change my heart towards people." I was pretty happy as a computer programmer; I had a few friends I trusted and family members that I loved, and didn't bother with people much outside of that.

(Contrary to what most people think, computers are quite simple. It's all 1's and 0's, they never get their feelings hurt, and they do what you tell them unless something is broken. And if so, it's usually easy to tell what's broken. People are tremendously complicated, get hurt from all sorts of accidental issues, let alone intentional ones, and actively hide their broken parts from you.)

God answered that prayer, and though at times I long for a nice, simple, straightforward task like several dozen pages of broken source code to debug, I have changed very greatly in how I relate to other people, not to mention in how I come across to them.

In missions, working with a team of one sort or another is basically necessary. Being a "lone wolf" missionary might sound attractive to a lot of INTP's and others too, but practically speaking it tends to not work out very well at all. If anyone could have worked alone (in the human sense), it would have been Christ, but He instead chose to surround himself with men to disciple, who would go forth and build the church after His departure. So at very least, if one is so competent that they do not to be taught or trained by anyone, they should work together with other people, to disciple them. But Jesus is obviously a unique example. What if we want a merely mortal example, the kind of person who is competent enough to rely on themselves?

We could then look at Paul, a stubborn genius who quickly got impatient with those less motivated than he. He seems like a good candidate for a lone wolf type, but it turns out he hated working alone, and always went out with a team when possible (my next blog post will mention this more). Later we see him sending his team members away to address issues in other areas only reluctantly, even when there was no one else who could go, and pleading with others to come join him.

The nature of modern cross-cultural missions work is typically such that one has a team to send you, and a team on the field. For new arrivals, one of the first things a team does (or should do! I've heard horror stories...) is help them get settled in. One is often not capable of surviving (let alone thriving) on one's own in the new language and cultural environment, and at very least requires help in getting started.

Settling in is not really the main issue, however. One could theoretically hire locals or expats to help you do all that, and some people are nice enough to do it for free. So my point is not that you couldn't survive the settling in process without a team; perhaps you could. That's a personal challenge that leads stubborn and/or confident people to think "hmm, I'll bet I could manage it."That kind of confidence or even stubbornness can be a useful character trait on the mission field, helping you "stick it out," though of course overconfidence or false expectations can torpedo the whole thing.

But the point of a team and the cruciality of teamwork is related to what I mentioned about great endeavors. That is, you need a team because the Great Commission is too massive a task for any one person to pursue alone, even in a local context. The team is not for you, the team is united for a common purpose, a gospel vision. Now, you've probably heard something like this before. In the secular sense, one could say "fine, that's not my vision," and walk away. For believers in Christ, the overarching goal, the meta-vision, has been provided for us, in the command from and example of our King. We are to make disciples of all nations, and though that responsibility extends to each of us individually, it's not a task any individual can tackle alone, at least not in any long-term sense; for something like planting a church, or taking the gospel into new territory, if Paul needed a team, you do too.

A Team Not of Your Choosing

Missionaries cannot typically choose their coworkers. A new missionary might arrive on the field and find, in the words of C.S.Lewis, "just that selection of his neighbours whom he has hitherto avoided." (from The Screwtape Letters) The guy with the annoying laugh who tries to joke about everything; the old guy who can't see why everything can't just be done the way they did it back in the day, when people were sincere and hard-working; the lady who feels the need to play devil's advocate in every discussion... (Note: these are "archetypal" examples and don't describe any past or present coworkers)
So the challenge then becomes working for the most important cause of all, with people who you would never choose as coworkers. Thrust into similar circumstances with a different task, perhaps it would be more manageable. But when your goal is to do something highly complicated and difficult- bring the gospel across cultural and other divides, plant reproducing churches, etc.- and there is no clear-cut way of achieving your goals, meaning you might have to "fail" a few times before seeing progress, then you have a recipe for teamwork disaster. (And if your team is multicultural, there are even more potential pitfalls to avoid.)

Add to this the INTP propensity for critical thinking and quickly seeing flaws in a strategy, and team discussions can be minefields for us. We feel very strongly that not pointing out flaws in the plan early on (obvious to us, who constantly run scenarios in our minds to see how they'd play out, and also file away any real-life experiences to improve the accuracy of this ability) out would mean failure of the plan is our fault; something many people don't realize... we are not attacking you! We are trying to help your plan succeed. This is our oft misunderstood attempt to prosper everyone and bless our efforts by making our plan foolproof. It just gets taken the wrong way when people begin to feel they're the fool we're trying to proof it against.

And please do not say, good missionaries wouldn't or shouldn't struggle with this kind of thing. There are no "good missionaries," there are only redeemed sinners learning to walk with God and how to obey His commands. (among them the Great Commission) Sinners argue, hold grudges, sometimes fight. At very least, they disagree about proper approaches to problems. Those differences of opinion are hard to let go of when you feel strongly that the wrong approach might not only cause this effort to fail, but make subsequent efforts more difficult. If it was a new marketing strategy for hybrid cars, that would be bad enough, but this is the gospel.

Example: What is the balance between a gradual and long-term approach that seems quite slow to bear any fruit but allows the cultivation of deeper relationships with local people and respect in the community, versus a bold and active approach that is willing to let a few people be offended and possibly wear out your welcome but results in more people hearing the gospel with the possibility of a breakthrough?

There is no right answer to this question! But everyone will have an opinion on it. We trust God, but we observe from scripture that He's given all believers work to do, and we've got to figure out how to do it, one way or another.

So under stress from living in a culture that is not our own, speaking a language that is not our own, making decisions we often don't have enough information to make (an especially stressful factor for INTPs, who might prefer to balk in those situations and wait for more data before making a decision), working with people we might not always respect or see eye-to-eye with, teamwork is a tenuous thing, easily fractured. And that's not even going into how the enemy is constantly trying to fragment our fellowship and set us against each other; discord is one of his works. So much intentional effort must be put into maintaining "one heart and one mind."

Substitute satan for management (no doubt easy for some of you), and this is pretty much
what is always happening on this mission field. This is one reason we need prayer!

One of the best ways to build and maintain a strong team is praying together! Coming together into God's presence not to talk to each other, but to Him, lets the Spirit do some direct work on people's hearts. This is something my team does intentionally, and I think it's incredibly important.

Summary: INTPs and Teamwork on the Mission Field

Basically, as INTPs we must be wise to avoid the following scenario:

Strategy Discussion for a Particular Ministry:

Person A: Maybe we could try [plan that was tried last year and failed]
INTP: I think we've seen that doesn't work well, unless you think the situation has changed in a fundamental way since we tried it last that would make it a good plan now?
Person A: Uh.. I'm just throwing out ideas!
INTP: *thinks* "Why waste time by talking about obviously useless plans?"

Person B: How about [plan that flies in the face of how local culture does things]
Team Leader: (Fully intending to discard this idea): Ok, maybe that's something we can think about.
Person B: (Feels appreciated, doesn't care if the plan is not actually used because their goal was to participate in the discussion in a meaningful way)
INTP: (Doesn't understand this^) "But what about [x] culture factor? Wouldn't they have [a] and [b] objections?"
Team Leader: (trying to salvage Person B's having contributed) "Not necessarily, maybe it's worth trying to see what happens."
INTP: (Feels slightly embarrassed that the team leader has rejected their assessment, and thus defensive:) Presents a 5-min, airtight logical case, with multiple failing scenarios, demonstrating that this approach is totally at odds with the local culture and could cause any number of problems. Provides an unlikely scenario in which it might succeed, wanting to be diplomatic. Some people nod in agreement or chime in, wanting to demonstrate they also have been culturally observant and understand this issue. 
Team Leader: *Sighs* Cannot disagree because the statement was clearly accurate.
Person B: (Feels foolish and under attack) Strikes back defensively insisting it could work.
INTP: (Unfortunately B's statement, born out of hurt feelings, is more an emotional expression than a rational counter) Warming to the debate, has no trouble picking B's defense apart. Noticing that B is flustered, they reassure him that they are not taking any of this personally. The INTP is confused when this only makes things worse.
Team Leader: (Resigning to the inevitable) Well, INTP, what would you suggest?
INTP: Provides a very long and well-thought out plan, taking into account both abstract methodology and practical and cultural considerations. Talks too long because they answer all questions about the plan as if the person is suggesting they didn't think through a particular issue, which they did, and feel compelled to make sure that person is aware, not wanting to appear incompetent for having missed such an obvious point.
Person B: (Upset, criticizes the INTP's plan because if theirs got criticized it's only fair that the INTP's plan gets criticized too)
INTP: Explains why their criticism of B's plan was valid, whereas B's criticism of their plan was invalid. It's not about getting equal time, it's about the validity of one's thought processes.
Team Leader: Uh, let's wrap this up and move on to the next subject.

As they leave the meeting:

INTP - Thinks the meeting went well, though B is too sensitive. Talks animatedly with a few people about the cultural issues that got raised during the meeting. Later, goes back and reflects on B's comments, making sure any potentially valid criticism is taken into account so the INTP's own arguments can be that much more solid next time.

A - Thinks INTP was a little mean to B, needs to lighten up

B - Feels upset, and possibly has begun to regard the INTP as an opponent. Concludes they can't actively oppose the INTP in a meeting without being made to look stupid; begins to think of ways to counter their influence. The beginnings of a crack in the team are possible. If they struggle with self-confidence, they may be less inclined to strike back, but hesitate to share in future meetings, for fear of their ideas being shot down.

Team Leader - Tired. Wishes INTP would not subvert his attempts to keep the team happy, through probably is aware that it isn't on purpose, and may just feel the INTP has an overbearing personality without realizing why he acted as he did. (Doing a meeting with personality tests to understand where each person on your team is coming from might be helpful. Sometimes it doesn't matter that you understand why someone could think that way, so long as you know it's a personality difference and not intentionally directed at you)

An INTP can bring extremely useful skills to a team, if they will learn and always keep in mind those rules which don't come with our personality, as I mentioned in a previous INTP post. You must take into account that most people won't have your motives, or dwell so entirely in the world of ideas, or think that the person with the most logical or well-tested thoughts should be the one to talk the most. It also helps to be self-aware, and explain your own motives for speaking up if you have a comment on what someone else is saying. They might still not appreciate it, but at least you can move from being "that INTP" to "our INTP."
As I mentioned earlier, prayer is a key here. It's harder to criticize your teammates in a potentially abrasive way when one has been praying for them! Prayer will shift one's thinking away from only their ideas or contributions and towards them as people, sons and daughters of God, which is always important for us.

Finally, a truly servant-hearted INTP who has learned when not to speak, may find people are quite willing to listen when he does. We yearn for people to benefit from our insight; to communicate that insight we must first clearly communicate the love of Christ.