When God Says No - Revisited

So a couple of months ago I wrote a post about when God says no, investigating how we can't always understand why God says no in certain circumstances, but we know He is using everything to bring us closer to Himself.

Sometimes we don't get to find out why God said no; sometimes it goes against all human emotion and reason to think that God could possibly say no in a given situation. I try to address those thoughts in that post.

But sometimes we do get to see in hindsight why God said no.

The context of this post is that I just found out today that my Taiwan visa has been delayed yet again, due to a different part of the Taiwanese government having assumed responsibility for handling volunteer visa applications.

To be blunt: This sucks. I've waited an additional two months in limbo, the narrative of my life seemingly on hold (right before my life situation changes dramatically), not allowed to get to the mission field where my heart is. I long to begin ministry there. I'm missing a Taiwanese friend's wedding we thought I'd surely be able to attend. I'm not able to be immersed in the language I'll need or to begin building (and reconnecting with some of) the relational networks through which things are accomplished in Taiwan.

Also, this isn't even as good a visa as I was going to get before the Atlanta office flat out denied me one for reasons they didn't feel necessary to straightforwardly explain. Now even the inferior visa is becoming mired in bureaucratic entanglements. If I had a dollar for every time someone said "why aren't you in Taiwan yet? I thought you were already there!", I'd be rapidly approaching taxable income.

(And while we're being very honest and direct, please don't tell people in my situation "this is God teaching you patience" unless you'd like people to tell you "this is God teaching you to not love money" when you lose your job. It's great to remind people that God has a purpose in delays, but maybe stay away from anything that seems to roll off the tongue too easily in these situations. It's advice I need as much as anyone else.)

So emotionally and psychologically, that's where I was this morning. Actually it was briefly even worse than that. The temptation to bitterness "Ok God, what did I do wrong this time? For which of my sins are you punishing me?" was strong for an hour or two. It's hard to explain the pain felt by a missionary with a call to a place and people who's prevented from Going to them. It's not that you foolishly think God needs you to do anything there, it's that in a special way God has anchored your heart and purpose there and you're bungee-corded to them, and the stretch begins to ache.

However. Just as I said before, whenever I tried to do something within scriptural guidelines but God changes my plans, I have seen Him work in ways that I wouldn't have seen if my own plan had worked out.
In my particular case, rather than punishing me for my complaining and lack of trust, God graciously allowed me to see some of what He was accomplishing by my delay. Just a few of the opportunities I've had a chance to participate in since I wasn't able to leave at the beginning of September include:

• Preached a Sunday night service at my sending church, encouraging everyone with the reminder that Rev 7 tells us the Great Commission -will- be fulfilled, and how that is happening all over the world right this moment.
• MC'd a multi-church youth event in Plano and shared the gospel in detail with all the attending Asian American students before leading them through a prayer of repentance and acceptance and encouraging believers to recognize Christ's primacy in their lives.
• Discussed theology with Buddhists trying to convert me, learned a lot about Buddhism and challenges I will face in explaining the gospel in that religious context.
• Ended up in conversations with several people about barriers that were keeping them from believing in God.
• Visiting several Chinese churches, including sharing my Taiwan plans with a new (to me) fellowship who are interested in partnering with me and updating many people on my plans and asking them to pray for Taiwan.
• Discovered a few other people looking to do ministry in Taiwan.
• Connected with a representative from an American church potentially interested in long-term ministry cooperation in Taiwan.
• Said my goodbyes to a lot of people. I know I'll probably never see some of them again on earth, but I look forward to our reunion in the presence of our Lord.

Apparently at least one of those things needed to happen before I went to Taiwan! Or maybe something else I didn't even attach much importance to... some seemingly offhand remark to a student who will later become a missionary, some encouragement that was what someone desperately needed to hear. It's impossible to know. But God is always working through what we do in faithfulness to Him, and we'll never know how much He's accomplishing behind the scenes.

After asking for prayer on facebook (and getting some) and doing some honest talking with God, I'm happy to be able to say that He chose to set off a volcano of encouragement in my spirit that burned away my doubts and gave me the motivation to move forward, not just existing until I can leave, but living intentionally through the time. He loves us like that.

So now I'm delayed again. I'll be doing Thanksgiving in the US, and hopefully heading out shortly afterwards. Honestly I don't know what the purpose is in this further delay, but it's harder to doubt God has a purpose when I can clearly see His hand at work in the previous delay.

That doesn't make it easy, but I know others have it harder. And I will pray for the strength to live every day for God until things start moving again. And if you need it, I'd be happy to pray for you too.