An INTP on the Mission Field - Wormtongue or Elrond?

Returning to the INTP series...

Back when I set out on my journey to the mission field, I noticed that there were not many people of my personality among my fellow travelers. To be sure, not all were extroverts, and my seminary was known for attracting former engineers. To be an INTP is not merely to be an introvert, however, but to be very interested in certain things few other people find compelling, and find real challenges in certain tasks most people find routine. That's true of every personality in one area or another, but for INTPs that tends to play out in ways that don't mesh naturally with the missionary lifestyle. It doesn't mean incessant navel-gazing or a robotic inability to empathize with others, but it does mean social energy is a resource that must be conserved wisely, and some time away to ponder the theory of everything (preferably in a high-altitude spot with a good view but also shade) is necessary every so often.

While I have written in the past about the specific struggles of being an INTP or my own experiences of working on the mission field as an INTP, today I want to challenge INTPs in a certain way which certainly doesn't only apply to INTPs. (Even you Enneagram people will get something out of it) To do that, we're going to first look at two well-known characters from the Lord of the Rings:

Grima Wormtongue: The Deceitful Hoarder

In the Rohan plotline of the Lord of the Rings hexalogy, we meet the subversive character of Grima Wormtongue. He is a servant of Saruman who is sabotaging Rohan from within while Saruman's forces ravage it from without. Grima is portrayed in a compelling way by Brad Dourrif in the Peter Jackson trilogy, although he's more Tim-Burtonesque than what I saw in my mind's eye reading the books. He wouldn't be a very effective tool of evil if his appearance and wardrobe screamed "tool of evil", and to some extent we've all been falsely trained by Hollywood to think evil looks like that in real life. Here the words of Lewis in his preface to Screwtape ring true:

The greatest evil is not now done in those sordid "dens of crime" that Dickens loved to paint. It is not done even in concentration camps and labour camps. In those we see its final result. But it is conceived and ordered (moved, seconded, carried, and minuted) in clean, carpeted, warmed and well-lighted offices, by quiet men with white collars and cut fingernails and smooth-shaven cheeks who do not need to raise their voices.

Whatever his appearance, Grima is a subtle and dangerous opponent, as Gandalf observes. After Gandalf arrives at Edoras and breaks Saruman's spell over Theoden, Grima is (somewhat surprisingly, in the context of the story at that point) spared and given a horse to leave. Even at that point, the soldiers of Rohan seem to view him more with contempt than fear, not comprehending how much damage he has done. Theoden does not order him executed but gives him the option to show loyalty or be exiled. In the end he spits on that offer and runs off to join Saruman.

Grima Wormtongue's story has many interesting parallels to Smeagol/Gollum:
- Both are characters who serve the cause of evil individually for their own reasons, and both are bound to their masters by means other than force (Gollum due to his enslavement to the ring Frodo bears, Grima due to fear and guilt).
- Both also "lose" precious magical artifacts: Gollum literally loses his precious, Sauron's ring of power, and Grima loses a palantir (magical seeing-stone) for Saruman by hurling it out of Orthanc at the protagonists assembled below. 

- Both were originally good or at least neutral, and in choosing evil consistently became twisted into something unlike their original selves. (Gandalf says to Theoden about Grima: "once it was a man, and did you service in its fashion.") 

- In the end, both characters are spared when they could have been executed, and eventually attack their master for more or less the very reason they've been serving them. (Gollum when ring-lust overcomes him, and Grima when his fearful hatred finally tips to the side of hatred). 

- In another odd connection, Grima is actually killed by roused-up Hobbits who are taking the Shire back after he snaps and kills Saruman with a knife. (In the movie version which dispenses with this part of the story and moves Saruman's death to a much earlier scene, Grima is shot by Legolas)

Also similar to Smeagol/Gollum, Grima is a thief (who likes to accuse others to hide his own guilt): His crimes are not only limited to spying for Saruman and functioning as a sort of proxy by which Saruman's corroding influence on Theoden can be locally amplified (whether very obviously in the films, or more subtly in the books); he is actively working for the downfall of Rohan in whatever ways he can, and this extends to pilfering and thieving as well.

Grima apparently acted partly out of greed; Saruman had promised him spoils after what he assumed was his inevitable victory, which possibly included Eowyn as well (I may not be alone in thinking in that case victory would have ended Grima faster than defeat did). Apparently he had begun this spoil-taking preemptively: When Grima is forced to retrieve Theoden's sword, it is remarked that "many things men have missed" are found in the trunk where he had stashed the sword away. This is purposefully not elaborated upon by Tolkien, but one assumes that the various other things are items of real or symbolic strength which have been stolen away by Grima. Ahead of Saruman's assumed victory, he couldn't keep his hands off of the most valuable things he could find when the opportunity to steal them away and hoard them presented itself. 

Elrond of Imladris: The Wise Giver

Let us now consider an extremely different character in LotR: Elrond the Half-elven, Lord of Rivendell (called Imladris by the elves)

It wouldn't be helpful here to spend lots of time on Elrond's backstory, so let's summarize by saying Elrond and his brother Elros were born back in the Elder days, the children of a rare and specific High Elf/Historically Important Human marriage. They were given the option to choose their fate, whether to be Elven or Human (in Tolkien's world the afterlife works differently for the two groups, so being "mixed" wasn't an option), and Elrond chose to be of the elven kind, later becoming Lord of Rivendell, important to the plot of both the Hobbit and LotR, and holding one of the three Elven great rings. (His brother chose to be human and founded Numinor, of which Aragorn is the last descendant of the line of kings.) 

Rivendell/Imladris is an interesting place; in the Hobbit it is treated a bit more lightly, with elves singing in trees and Elrond the sage leader of a "homely house" at the edge of wilderland, who primarily helps the Dwarves figure out a map. In the Lord of the Rings and connected works it is described further as one of the three major strongholds of the Elves in Middle Earth, alongside the Shipyards which protect the elves access to the journey west across the Sundering Seas to the Undying Lands, and Galadriel's woodland stronghold of Lothlorien. Rivendell is important enough that it is mentioned in Tolkien's additional writings that Sauron had been hoping to mobilize Smaug and the goblin armies of the north against it, had Smaug not been taken out by Bard in the events of The Hobbit and Dale subsequently re-established as a stronghold that eventually limited Sauron's northern campaign.

Rivendell is described by Bilbo, who ends up living there long term after his departure from the Shire, as "a perfect house, whether you like food or sleep or story-telling or singing, or just sitting and thinking best, or a pleasant mixture of them all." It is the only place Aragorn could call home, the place where the shards of Narsil were preserved as revealed in dreams to Boromir and Faramir, along with many other things not to be found anywhere else in Middle Earth.

As the Lord of Rivendell, Elrond is wise and conservative (somewhat unlike the Jackson films' take on his character), but willing to generously provide precious gifts and important advice from the accumulated bounty of his house as appropriate.

Matthew 13:52

Having looked at those two characters, let's take a look at the truth of scripture. Specifically Matthew 13:52, which reads as follows: 

"And [Jesus] said to them, "Therefore every scribe who has been trained for the kingdom of heaven is like a master of a house, who brings out of his treasure what is new and what is old."

Jesus says this in the literary context of a string of parables, including some of the most famous and quickly recognized parables in the gospels (the sower and the seed, the wheat and tares, the mustard seed, etc.). After the disciples ask about the meaning of the wheat and the tares parable, they claim to understand the next three parables Jesus tells (treasure in the field, pearl of great price, fish in the net). At that point Jesus gives the statement above.

He uses an unusual expression here: "The scribe who has been trained for the kingdom of heaven." In Jesus' day, the profession of scribe doubtless had attracted some INTPs; the job was to record and accumulate information. (Though the legal and administrative responsibilities that came with the task might have scared them off again) In the gospels we typically see the scribes at odds with Jesus, but here he speaks of scribes who are trained for the Kingdom.

There is much wisdom densely packed into this statement. The scribe needs to be trained in order to be like the master with treasures to offer. The training needs to be kingdom training, not merely scribal training. Yet a scribe is already trained to handle religious law carefully and correctly. When someone trained to handle important information carefully is then trained for the kingdom, truly he will have old things and new things to offer, from the redeemed "palace of his mind" of which he will be the master if he learns to take every thought captive for Christ.  

Two Paths for an INTP:

The Matthew verse has always reminded me of Elrond, Master of the House of Rivendell, with great treasures from which he brings forth new(er) and old gifts to aid the cause of Good. And his gifts are not always material, but also good counsel and wisdom, like the scribe above can offer. The opposite of Grima, he does not steal from others to hoard away, but accumulates good things to provide help and succor to others. He does not infiltrate and manipulate, he establishes and maintains.

Elrond himself doesn't take the front lines (not by the timeline of Lord of the Rings, except as part of the White Council). His main role is to be master of Rivendell and to maintain that strong place, described in the Silmarillion as a "refuge for the weary and the oppressed, and a treasury of good counsel and wise lore."

Similarly, an INTP is usually not going to be charging into the front lines full of battle fury, and that's not necessarily where you want an INTP. An INTP is not likely to show up with an army behind him either; the gifts of charisma and natural magnetism and strong-willed leadership that's not afraid to break a few eggs to make an omelet or chew out a subordinate when they need it are not the forte of an INTP. (Though it's quite likely this hypothetical leader's strategic war council has an INTP or three)

On the mission field, however, those who charge in furiously are likely to burn out just as furiously, sometimes leaving a mess that longer-term workers must labor to clean up. And those leaders who can inspire natural loyalty and dominate their subordinates may fail at the servant leadership and humility which seeks not to create a personal empire but to serve and build up the local church, to watch less qualified and gifted leaders struggle and encourage them rather than taking charge. 

By contrast, an INTP will be seeking to impose structure on disorder, to accumulate knowledge and wisdom, to determine what is most valuable and focus their limited energy on obtaining that. Above all, to understand, in a cohesive and articulate sense, what is real and true, to further grasp reality through this, and then to pass on this knowledge to others in useful ways. 

So in terms of leadership, an INTP rarely leads by jumping to the front and rallying others to their standard (I'd love to hear real-life examples of what happened in those situations), but they will seek positions of influence and adequate resources to have at their disposal instead, so that their knowledge and understanding and strategic thinking can be seen as strengths.

Having arrived in this kind of situation, the INTP has two paths to take; we'll call them the Wormtongue path and the Rivendell path:

On the Wormtongue path, the INTP is a loner who seeks influence and resources selfishly or anxiously. Protection and influence can be found by joining a strong leader, and resources can be obtained by wit and stratagem at the expense of others if necessary. Grima seemingly had no allies or "team" in Rohan; as an individual he had already attached himself to a strong leader (Theoden) then betrayed him in favor of a more powerful one with more resources (Saruman). It was an intelligent and strategic choice in terms of personal benefit, but it was an alliance with evil. Underestimated by the strength-and-honor warrior culture around him, Grima had an eye for what was most valuable and had already begun to accumulate it for his own purposes. Doubtless he felt pride in strategically steering Rohan to its ruin, in being the unseen puppeteer, a temptation which many INTPs may especially feel, to use their intelligence and strategic thinking skills to manipulate events for their own security and a desirable outcome. In the end, however, forces beyond his control brought all his careful schemes to ruin.

On the Rivendell path, by contrast, the INTP seeks influence and resources as part of a coalition which seeks to bless and build up: not subversive but superversive. Rivendell didn't build itself, and Elrond did not move to Gondor and slowly take over, like Sauron in Numinor, though he could probably have done so in a similar fashion. Elrond did start with resources few others had, but he used those to build up a strong house (both a location, but also a company of people) which was a blessing to any who stayed there or who passed through. Simply by dedicating himself to being the master of that house as a sort of locus for what was good and true, maintaining "the old that was strong and did not wither," yet recognizing a new age was at hand, Elrond was a major influence for the powers of Good in Middle Earth. 

Seek for the Sword that was broken: In Imladris it dwells;
There shall be counsels taken, stronger than Morgul-spells.
There shall be shown a token, that Doom is near at hand;
for Isildur's Bane shall waken, and the Halfling forth shall stand.

The Last Homely House East of the Sea

And Rivendell was not merely a stronghold and refuge, it also stood for something greater than itself. It was not only called a "Homely House," but "The Last Homely House East of the Sea." This meant it was not only a place of refuge, a place of peace and light and truth, but it pointed to the origin of those things, and the place to which they would return: The True West, in Tolkien's mythos, the Undying Lands, where the servants of God lived, and where the elves desired to return. White shores, and a far green country, under a swift sunrise. The world as it ought to be. Aslan's country, beyond the farthest waves that grow sweet. What people got in Rivendell, then, was not merely rest and refuge, and perhaps wise advice, possibly precious gifts, but also a glimmer of that eternal light beyond the Sundering Seas. What they felt there was a taste of heaven on earth.

The world needs Homely Houses. It will need them more in the coming days. Whether an actual home or establishment, a group of like-minded people, or even few close friends who have accumulated resources and wisdom with the desire to bless and give refuge to others, these small strongholds of light will stand against the turmoil of the world as they have done since the beginning. These places of peace where a little taste of heaven on earth can be experienced stand like burning beacons in the dark for peoples who have chosen to forget the legacy of the gospel they once received, or who have never known it. 

I wish that every church could be a Homely House, which points to and communicates the reality of an Undying World beyond the Sundering Seas not only via the truth kept there, and hopefully shared faithfully there, but as fellowships of light and wisdom and richness and refuge and peace which give those who visit a taste of God’s country. Sadly, many are not like that at all. Sadly, some have this appearance (like one ancient and famous example whose strong stone vault endured a devastating fire last week and protected what was within) but the truth itself may be but little heard inside. But by God’s grace the two are not mutually exclusive, and need not remain so.

And while INTPs have their unique struggles, if they are trained for the kingdom, building up a house (a space, and a fellowship) from which may be brought out treasures old and new for the blessing of the saints and advancement of the kingdom is a task for which they are indeed well-equipped. If God has not yet presented a more specific path to you, I believe it's worth pursuing. Be trained in the kingdom, and build up a house. The path must be chosen daily, and the road will be long, but He goes with us, and before us, and follows after.

An INTP on the Mission Field: Stuck in a Rut - Which Wheel needs a Branch?

Thanks for your Comments:

I have been encouraged by the positive comments some people have been leaving on earlier posts. It turns out there isn't much online for Christian INTPs. But yes, we do exist, and no, being creatures of logic doesn't mean we can't be believers in a God the worship of whom, given His existence, is not only logical, but the only sane course of action. Everything rides on the question of whether you first assume God, or first assume No-God; logic will take you in two different directions from that point, but to stick with the second assumption you must close your eyes to wider reality (general revelation), dismiss the faith of all believers throughout history along with the testimony of Christian scripture (special revelation), and reject any instances of God doing unusual things in your life to suggest His existence. Following up on any one of those would bring one to the point where logic suggested atheism was untenable, and one would either need to flee to the refuge of agnosticism or follow the journey of evidence and faith to its conclusion, as many atheists in history have in fact done. (C.S.Lewis being an obvious high profile example, but there are others)

Also, though some cast aspersion on the Myers-Briggs test for being "unscientific," etc, it has turned out to be a very helpful thing in the internet age, in that all of us people who are a certain way now have a name for ourselves and can find each other. Yes we all have our individual differences, but when someone is describing themselves in the context of being an INTP and you say to yourself, "Yes, exactly, so I'm not the only one!" then you know you have something of value in a categorization that allows that to happen. And I suspect it is not only INTPs who have that kind of experience.

1. Spinning our Wheels

Being both intuitive and logical types, INTPs are very capable of taking information from a wide variety of sources and suddenly arriving at valuable insights or conclusions on topics that may not be obviously related to the source material.

So, when confronted with a challenge in life, we tend to try to pull from our collection of data and observations and intuit a solution to it. Finding a creative solution which makes an apparently difficult problem simple is very fun, if nothing else, and feeling that every situation is both similar to others and unique in its own way, I tend to not want to apply a "standard" solution but either customize it to fit the particular context, or come up with an entirely new approach altogether. (This is somewhat useful on the mission field, since a lot of problems one encounters really are unique, or previous solutions are unusable because what worked in the past for a particular set of people in a particular context isn't a viable solution for here and now)

There are two weaknesses that arise from our intuitive problem-solving tendencies, however.

A. Being satisfied with a theoretical solution

The first is well known, and not limited only to INTPs; the idea that once a solution has been arrived at, the actual doing of it is left as an exercise for the interested student. You may have heard the joke about the three academics (usually a physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician) who, caught in a fire, all figure out how to escape, but one dies because having solved the problem of how to put out the fire he considers himself successful. Yet the fire still rages, despite a perfectly good solution now existing.

INTPs can fall into the same trap: I have on multiple occasions felt out of shape, and began googling exercise plans, seeking to get behind this or that plan and understand an "essential" workout might be in terms of an average human body, and thus arrive at the most efficient workout in terms of not needing to spend a lot of time on it but seeing adequate results (living in our heads, perhaps some of us begrudge our body the proper maintenance time it requires). But having done so, less than half of the time did I actually make an effort to put that basic, efficient exercise plan into action. The fact that I'd located and grasped the core physiological principles required for a brief and efficient workout seemed like winning half the battle, when it was really only a preparation for a battle I never ended up fighting.

The knowing of a thing is not the doing of it, and the essence of a workout is not understanding the essence of a workout, it's doing the workout, imperfectly and when you don't feel like it, over and over. (Something I'm terrible at, because I want to to do everything "in the flow" and workouts rarely start with that feeling and only sometimes end up achieving it)

Either way, whether the problem is academic, or concerns our work, our life, our interpersonal relationships, or all of the above, the result is that we remain where we are, and don't move forward.

B. Getting trapped in a vicious cycle

The other problem, and a nastier one, is when we are unable to quickly intuit a creative solution to a problem, and began to fixate on it. We assume there is some missing piece of information which, if put into the mix, would recalibrate everything and a solution would magically emerge as it so often does. And when that happens it's a beautiful feeling, but often it simply doesn't. (It especially doesn't when it's an interpersonal problem.)

Like a car with tires in the mud, in that situation throwing more mental resources at the problem, focusing more intensely on it, often only makes things worse. The problem begins to loom large in our psyche, and though some INTPs might do their best thinking under stress, I suspect for many of us this is not the case. For those of us prone to getting mentally flustered, the effort thrown at figuring out a problem might become more or less totally unproductive, just churning processor cycles, spinning our wheels fruitlessly.

We might try to thrust the problem aside, to think about other things, but it's there, like a dead mouse under a hard-to-move bookshelf, sending a vague odor that makes us feel guilty for not solving the issue but not guilty enough to start taking all the books out of the shelves just to get at the rodent corpse. And like a bad odor, the-problem-we-can't-figure-out will taint our mental life if we let it run unabated.

As before, we can pretend to ignore the problem while subconsciously continuing to be stressed about it, or we can obsess over it, but either way we are stuck.

2. Actually Pragmatic Lateral Thinking

Perhaps I am simply a wimpy example of an INTP, but sometimes in these situations I find myself wishing or hoping I might simply find a way around the problem. Being clever and creative, I am quite good at this, but in the end the one I'm outsmarting is myself. The problems that bring us INTPs up short and without solutions are precisely those kinds of problems that we have to figure out how to solve to continue achieving personal growth. And if our eternal side project is not personal growth but, somewhat relentlessly, the pursuit of the theory of everything and how its all related to itself, we will find that personal growth actually serves this objective as well. (We can perceive more standing on higher ground)

Wanting to get in better shape, I once agreed to a friendly bench-pressing competition with some coworkers, back when I was a programmer. I started out pretty weak, and never got to impressive weights, but was pleased after a while to be benching 110% of my bodyweight. At that point I hit a frustrating plateau, where more effort on the bench seemed not to translate into more results. After talking to more experienced lifters, I began to realize that, as someone who hadn't been doing this long, nor being particularly robust, I needed to strengthen my whole body before my bench started improving again. I'd maxed out my short-term capabilities, and needed to grow stronger overall before more effort in a particular exercise was going to be effective.

Very often, for INTPs (or anyone), we need to stop pushing forward obsessively and do some lateral thinking. Lateral thinking should be a strongpoint of INTPs, so it's a bit ironic that we rarely follow that logic when it comes to our own lives.

For a more specific example, in studying Chinese I was finding myself hitting a plateau, or even losing confidence with the level of Chinese I had already attained. I tried berating myself, tried concentrating harder, nothing helped significantly. But then I started taking vitamins due to other health issues, and suddenly the problem resolved itself, and I felt like I'd suddenly remembered to release the emergency brake. My mental cloudiness was seemingly the result of a nutrient deficiency. Thinking harder didn't help at all, but a little vitamin pill after lunch with some magnesium helped considerably.


[N.B. If you have the gift of a higher abstract level of self-awareness, as I suspect INTPs typically do, then you are already ahead of the game because you are capable of a high level of metamotivation; the ability to regulate and coordinate your behavior in support of long-term goals. There is no inherent conflict between this tendency and your walk with God, it simply means you have to submit yourself to God very intentionally to ensure you are not undermining your walk with God with self-serving goals. (Maslow was a smart man, but his theory is inherently flawed since he rejects the idea of a sin nature) High levels of self-actualization are something like a human version of sanctification, and thus while it is a good thing, it should never be confused with what only the Spirit can work in us, nor given de facto priority since it's something we can control. I'm seeing a lot of confusion of the two lately from the squishier side of evangelicalism, and it's as dangerous to those who are attracted to ideas like the power of positive thinking as it is annoying to those of us who find solace in Ecclesiastes.]

3. Don't just lower a Window; Get out, Look at the Car, and Figure out which Wheel needs a Branch thrown under it for Traction

So, INTP or not, if you find yourself in a wheels-spinning-in-the-mud situation, don't just keep mashing the accelerator. Even if you are blessed with a mental V10, no traction means you're not going anywhere. In the worst case, you'll just run out of gas or set your tires on fire. Now, it's pretty common to suggest "you just need to shift your focus," but I'm not just talking about taking a walk or doing something random to distract yourself. I don't know about you, but I can't fool myself with that kind of thing, I'll just obsess over my problems on my walk too, etc. Or if I successfully distract myself during the nice walk, the problems wait patiently until the evening grows late, to arrive just in time to induce insomnia.

Instead, think laterally with regards to your own life, and be prepared to make changes. If you find yourself unable to rise to a particular challenge, your problem may not be a lack of mental effort or ability. Take a look at your current condition of life instead. One or more of your wheels aren't getting traction, which means your mind is stuck in a rut too, until everything gets moving again.

Emotional and mental and physical health are all tied together, and spiritual health affects all of these as well. Whether you are a dichotomist (body, soul) or trichotomist (body, soul, spirit) or octochotomist (who knows), humans were created with a body and meant to have one. Our existence after death as spirits awaiting final judgement and the new beginning of all things (whether in glory or in shame, with God or having rejected Him and existing in isolation from Him, which truly is hell), is actually an artificial and temporary state of affairs. In the new earth we will have bodies, just as Christ did. So while quotes like "You don't have a soul, you are a soul; you have a body." which C.S.Lewis never said, are popular, in one sense they are not biblical, or at least they are too short-sighted. You will only temporarily not have a body; the eternal plan is that you will have a glorious one.

We are designed to function as a unified whole. So for INTPs, who tend to ponder and throw their mental circuitry at every problem, when we get stuck in a rut, or up against problems we can't think our way out of, the problem might not lie in a failure of thinking at all. Look for weaknesses in other wheels. Where is the slippage occurring? Get some traction there, and you may find everything else begins to move forward.

Buckets of Mud Pies

As someone who has done lots of ministry work with teenagers, I probably feel older than most people would consider 28 to be, though of course I know it's too early to write off the rest of my life.

But I can write it off entirely in one sense, because it's not mine. I am not my own, I've been bought for a price, and I serve a risen Lord who has more claim to my allegiance and obedience than any earthly ruler or parent ever could have.

We speak (more or less seriously, depending on the person) about a bucket list, and all the things we want to accomplish before we die. I don't have any actual list written down, but as a goal-oriented person, I certainly have things I'd like to experience in this life, both near and short-term. But from time to time I am reminded:


God doesn't care about my bucket list.

He cares for me, without question. More than I love myself; more than I can fathom. But as for my somewhat randomly-assembled little list of life goals, skills to master, things to do, places to see- God will see to it that I accomplish very little on that list.

We (especially in America, perhaps) are used to what we want being considered very important. Self-actualization has been elevated to the level of a religious doctrine. Even whole sections of the church have gone over to the side of Self, proclaiming that God eagerly desires to help you accomplish your goals.

This is false. God wants to help you die to yourself, and live for Him.

The process will really feel like dying at times, because it is; part of you -the old part which at this point you have trouble distinguishing from the new, glorious person into whom God is changing you- is being killed off, and it hurts like the pangs of death. But then, having submitted to God's surgical fire, what's left of you takes a deep breath, and tastes eternal air you've never before breathed. There is nothing in this life that compares to it.

As C.S.Lewis memorably wrote:

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” (From 'The Weight of Glory')

Our bucket lists, harmless as they may be, are full of mud. As materially blessed people who do not have to constantly be concerned for our own survival, we think of the best, most fun and most rewarding goals we can, and decide we're entitled to at least a shot at them. "endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, among these... the pursuit of happiness," it's in the American Declaration of Independence, enshrined in our national and cultural DNA.

Apologies to our founders (who I'm aware were focused on rebuking earthly tyranny), but God is not primarily concerned with the inviolability of your pursuit of happiness; He is busy violating it. He sacrificed even Himself out of love for you, and intends to purify you into a son or daughter who can enjoy the eternal joy of His presence. That process means you will forgo much, much earthly happiness, even some of those things which those outside (and often inside) the Church claim make life worth living.

I personally believe that if you have never, in faith, given up something you didn't think you could live without, you haven't really tasted the presence of God in its fullness.

As the Apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 15, if there is no resurrection and this life is all we have, Christians are to be pitied more than anyone else. Since I started down the path of full-time missions work, the truth of that statement has been driven home repeatedly. At no time previous did I know so many people doing so many fun things around the world. In our current culture it is extremely difficult to be young, single, well-educated, well-connected internationally, and dying daily for Christ, without falling prey to discouragement.

(May I one day be so alive in Christ and so dead to myself that the joy always outshines the discouragement, but I hear from my older and wiser brothers and sisters in Christ that the struggle does not ever quite end in this life.)

But in my discouragement, God reminds me that I am chasing after the mud pies Lewis mentioned. Sure, the mud pies might be fancier than they were, with little encrusted pebbles and even a shiny trinket or two, but God is calling me away from it all, to Himself.

So I probably won't get to attend a World Cup match or the Olympics, won't get to tour Europe, won't get to learn a dozen languages, won't get to indulge my passionate desire to learn as much about the whole world as I possibly can in one lifetime. But to the extent that I long after those things, and not after Christ, those things are stumbling blocks, idols that God will mercifully deny me the opportunity to worship.

To the extent that I long after Christ and not those things, they will recede in importance behind knowing, obeying, and exalting Him, and making Him known among the nations. This is how earthly dreams die a supernatural death. And those dreams which distract us from God should die; to say otherwise is to make Him less than Lord in our life.

Many Christians have remained in sin trying to avoid bad behavior but not having something with which to replace it. But nature abhors a vacuum, and so does human nature; if we do not have a passionate, all-consuming desire for the glory of God, we won't gain it by simply ceasing to want earthly things. This is why sanctification is a process; God slowly refines us, taking away the lesser, earthly desires and replacing them with the relationship with Him that He created us to enjoy. This is a process in which we must participate with Him, and from which, if we are really in Christ and not drowning in the world's distractions (as difficult in today's culture to escape as they ever were, I believe), we should not drift away. (Hebrews 2:1)

I don't write this to say that doing fun things is wrong. I don't write this to say you shouldn't have goals or plans that are fun and rewarding. I write this because I am distressed by the number of Christians, especially my fellow young-professional-aged Christians, that I see who are believers but living life along the default path of success, fun, or comfort, not realizing God calls us to something much more difficult (far too difficult... impossible without Him) and infinitely more rewarding.

It won't be going to live on the other side of the world for most people (it will for some, maybe you!), but it will always look like waking up and recommitting to being a living sacrifice every day. You'll never see the amazing things God can do if you don't forsake your comfort zone to see them. (I don't say this from a position of superiority; seven years ago I was busily arranging my life to ensure maximum future comfort. It was God that invaded and kicked me out into an uncomfortable place of faith, praise Him.)

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:1-2)

Take a chance right now. Pour out your bucket list on the altar, and surrender your life to God. If you follow after Him, He will lead you to places and work through you in ways you never dreamed of, for His glory, and your indescribable joy.